so what if right now everything's wrong?

why do people die?

why is the sun shining right now why are there birds why is the air cold why is the world still spinning why why why. why is it beautiful and cold and frozen and gold? why am i breathing.

what can i say. what do i need to do? what can i tell her. i don't know why. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know what to do. no one knows what to do, but breathe and smoke and watch. watch the snow, bright. smoke slowly, more than ever. and just breathe because its the only thing that keeps me... living.

living.

i just want to lay on the ground. in the snow, in the cold, a cigarette in hand. the sun brighter than it should be on a day like this, the sky too blue to be right. and sob. sob because i don't know what to do but i can only imagine someone else laying in that bed. sob because a five minute call has made me so tired. and i still don't know. and it is cold.

nothing will be okay. it was not a good way to go. it was not his time. nothing is alright. there's only pain and sadness. and confusion. and indecision. and a need to scream so LOUD. and i didn't even know him. but the feeling is there, because somehow i'm carrying all this pain.

there aren't words, there are only arms to hold with.

why do people die?